Every year, every January 1st, I have this great hope that the upcoming year will be a bright and beautiful one. For years, I’ve been less than pleased with the results. This year, I’m already happy with the new year.
Well, that may be a bit misleading since my life started getting REALLY good (for no particular, identifiable reason) about the middle of last month. Decembers usually suck for me. It’s a fact. But this one was lovely.
I’m not sure what it was. I’m not sure what was different. Maybe it’s that I worked to eliminate stress. Maybe it’s that I actually completed my taxes before going on a two week vacation for the holidays.
Maybe it’s that I’ve quit stressing over the fact that I’m not living on the farm. I realize now that despite the fact that I have to wait for Internet to reach the farm (and not the slower-than-dial-up satellite I can get there now), before I can move there full-time — that it WILL happen. I’ll live there again.
It’s hit me that knowing my “end game” — that I’ll end up on the farm — makes when that happens less important. It could be next year or in three decades. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that between now and then, I’ve got a life that should be viewed as adventure. And I have a place to land when I’m ready to quit adventuring. A place that belongs to me.
I have one child still at home and my biggest concern for her is her education. If I have to move to get her what she needs, I’ll do it. It’s an adventure.
If I need to home school her (although I prefer not to do that, since she’s soon going to need much more depth and breadth than I can do easily while working full-time), I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever is in her best interest.
I have seven more years before she’s out on her own, and my job as an active parent is over. Then I’ll be more of an “adviser” parent to her — like I am to the boys. Of course, she may want that advice more than they do… or she may not.
I’ve spent my life planning for tomorrow and failing to really live in the today.
Suddenly, in the past three weeks or so, I’ve gotten much better at living in the now. I’m doing what’s required to lessen my debts, the mass of details I’m juggling, the number of belongings I have to maintain. The whole process has been quite liberating. I’ve simplified my business life considerably. I’m working now on continuing the progress on the personal side. Simple is best. Always has been.
I’ve preached simplicity for years, but I’m just now making real headway toward it on an elemental level for myself.
So life is good and 2009, despite my misgivings over the economy and politics of the current day, is looking pretty good for me. It’s ironic. I’m not going to investigate the why too long. I like things the way they are now and feel no urge to over-analyze it.
Now THAT’s new.