There has been so much change of late, and yesterday my youngest son graduated and left for his apartment in Lexington. I don’t know what possessed me to allow him to leave on the same day he graduated. That was especially stupid of me.
But, he was chomping at the bit, wanting to go, ready to start his life as an adult. He wanted to get a job or two this summer and begin saving up the cash he still needs to meet his bills at the University of Kentucky. He’s a good boy, and I could see the irritation in his eyes as I asked him for the unthinkable… to stay with me a week after he was “free” from high school.
So, I whined inside (as quietly as I could) and gave him his freedom.
Now, I have been surfing the waves of self-pity as the tiny house I inhabit now echoes. With only a 10-year old and a puppy to occupy me, I’m looking long and hard at my life.
The “simplify, simplify” philosophy in me is growing stronger. And I find things like this: http://www.cagefreefamily.com/ (Update 2017 – link no longer working – but the information can be found, in part, here) both enticing and a form of personal validation for my current purge urge. I don’t know what is enough, but I know right now what I have is too much. WAY too much.
I’ve even decided against the Airstream and have listed it on Facebook’s marketplace. A 24′ long RV to be pulled behind a gas-guzzling truck is too much for just two people. I’ll be putting it on Craigslist this week, and probably on eBay by next week, if it’s not already sold. I had a buyer for it, but he decided to buy an SUV instead. (Don’t ask me, it made NO sense to me, especially after he checked my asking price against the market price and told me how low mine was.) “I was gonna try to talk you down, but then I looked them up and they are mostly much higher.”
Yeah, I knew that. :O)
I still want to travel. I have just been re-evaluating the mode of the transportation. I’ll know more when I purge a bit more. I’ll be able to figure it all out once I let the dust settle and once I sell many of my current belongings and donate the rest. But, right now, I’m thinking a Class C is the direction I need to go. I don’t want to have to “climb out” of my RV in order to trot around and get into the cab of the truck to drive off. Traveling as a single woman means I need additional safety features… like an attached cab.
Right now (and for the years to come) what I want most is time, the health to enjoy that time and less of my energies going into obtaining, caring for and protecting “things.” It sucks the life out of me. Literally.
So, despite the fact that my son didn’t stay with me this week, I’m not going back to work quite yet. I’m going to enjoy this week away from clients and business projects. I’ll be spending it with me. I’ll be spending it with Alex. And we will both be learning to adjust to the changes. I’ll get caught up on sleep (I’ve been creating a debt there for at least three decades), cleaning, organizing and determining where I go from here… now that my children no longer outnumber me. Now that being a “single mom” seems more like just being single.
I’m sure I’ll get used to it… eventually.. but right now, it just feels weird. And sad. And I find myself feeling a little lost.
So, while my son struggles to navigate his new life, I struggle in my own way to navigate mine.