This is the year from hell. In the future, 2007 will be known as such in my memoirs. It is the year in which family members accrued enormous health bills to go with their individual trials and tribulations. It is the year in which I have had to move twice already, and will endure another one before year-end. Life churns on.
2007 is the year that everything I touched… broke. My mother told me this weekend (as I held my daughter’s head while she vomited again) that my life seemed to be an embodiment of Murphy’s Law.
I would find that statement offensive… if it weren’t so true.
My independent insurance doesn’t pay anything. So several hundred dollars a month is going out the door for the news this weekend that my Rx “discount” card would make my daughter’s antibiotic cost $126.32 whereas if I wanted to pay the cash price, it would be $34.
WTF?!?! So I pay cash. When I’m not feeling like screaming, I’ll put in a call to my insurance company to find out what’s going on and why the ER didn’t accept my insurance and the pharmacy advised me to NOT use the discount card. Right now, it’s probably best if I don’t talk to those people.
On the bright side, I did get my new (err… new to me) car this weekend. So now I have dependable transportation again. I didn’t realize how much that would make me feel better. It’s huge.
I’ll be eating crow in the near future so my son can return to a school system I hate. One I declared violently “None of my children shall ever go here again!” He really wants to move back to the farm and with all he’s been through this year, I can’t find it in my heart to put him off any longer. Besides, I know that with the A’s and B’s he’s getting in the tough classes here in Lexington, that even if he isn’t challenged in the last six months of his senior year, he will have what it takes to make it in college. He can study, research, and find what he needs.
I’m quite proud of his skills in those areas. Quite.
I have to decide if I’ll put Alex back in school or if I’ll be home schooling her. I want to home school her. She would blossom with it, but with another move, with relocating my office not just with the home — but actually outside the home so I can get DSL and work effectively, and with the chores that still need to be completed to make the move back to the farm (little things like running water, etc)… I’m just not sure I have it in me to home school too.
Maybe I’ll put her in the public school to finish out this year while I get a grip back on life and get the business settled in. THEN, maybe next year, I can start her out in home school rather than doing so in the middle of the year.
Moving my business to an outside office is a huge change. I’ll be commuting again. I haven’t done that in… well…nearly ten years! Wow.
While searching for a silver lining on that front, I’m thinking that leasing an office space for a year will give me a chance to rediscover how NOT to work all the time. The commute will help me separate “work” from “home” — something I’ve forgotten how to do in the past nearly a decade of being self employed.
WickedWordCraft.com turns five years old this month. I had another business name before I niched and I did contract work before that. It’s been awhile since I’ve done the standard “business” thing… getting up in the morning, getting myself ready for work “outside” and then getting in the car and driving to the office. Maybe it will be good.
Maybe after a year of doing this, I’ll find a feasible way to get broadband at home and I can try to eliminate the outside office. It could happen. I hope it will.
Maybe I’ll decide that the only way to control my hours of work is to get work out of sight — to move it offsite so I’m not constantly feeling that I should be working. Maybe I’ll schedule more effectively. Maybe I’ll “work smarter” and fewer hours. Maybe I’ll get a life. Maybe.
There are so many decisions to make. So much to do… and such low reserves of energy. I wish I could just stop. Just sleep. Just quit worrying about every last detail.
I’d lean on others through this particularly tough period, but the problem is EVERYONE seems to be having troubling times in their personal and professional lives. It’s like a bad-year epidemic.
The only thing that is going well is business. I’m busy. Too busy. I’m having trouble balancing it all. But I will. I must. I shall.
For now, I have to go and remind a client that he needs to blog… while I feel the guilt that I’ve not been blogging much myself lately. I find it hard to blog when life is on the “spin” cycle. I find it hard to be positive and to have something valuable to say.
Right now, I’m just hoping that this total “upending” of my life will be a step that is somehow required to get me to a better place. I know the farm is a better place for me, but I’d like to think that peace-of-mind will be coming with that package… even if I can’t quite see how that’s going to happen from where I’m standing now.
Nope, still can’t see it.