Being an Internet entrepreneur, you would think I’d already learned to take change as it comes — even to welcome it, and to stir things up when change doesn’t come along of its own accord. Well… not so much, I’m afraid. Change is tough. It’s a difficult undertaking and there is so much of it going on in the private sector of my life at this point, that I’m finding it hard to even grapple with it enough to blog.
Imagine… ME having difficulty blogging.
It’s like having to believe that pigs really DO fly.
Let’s see… First, there’s the possibility of a physical relocation. That’s always pleasant. Then there’s the change in schools for the kids, if the change in home base actually materializes. I’m not upset to have Derrick possibly moving to a new high school — so long as he can stay there for his final two years of school and graduate from the same place. It’s got to be better than the current high school. Alex, on the otherhand, has an excellent elementary school. I worry about moving her. She didn’t do well with the move from her original elementary school. To be so outgoing, losing friends and having to make new ones… it’s a tough prospect for her.
I can work from anywhere, so the possibility of a move — other than the basics of moving my office — is not a big deal for me. My 800 number will travel with me and my mailing address can be anywhere, so no issues there. My business is on the web and a physical relocation doesn’t really affect my websites, other than some changes to my GEO metatags. *Shrug* Sure, it will be a hassle, but nothing too overwhelming. Now, moving the family… that’s a bigger deal.
On the bright side, we’ll probably be closer to my extended family with this proposed new move and we will definitely be closer to Wayne’s… if the move actually happens.
I’ve determined that the definition of hell for me is “limbo” — I simply cannot bear waiting around for things to start falling together. I have to push and shove and urge things on… probably prematurely… so that I feel I’m accomplishing something. It’s a horrid personality trait. I am so impatient with myself and with my own situations, and yet, can be patient with clients and theirs. I can be patient with my friends… and have NO patience for foolishness with my children and hubby. What’s up with that?
Anyway, this summer will be challenging. No matter how things shake out. There is so much to do, so much to consider, to plan for and even to coordinate… and there will be many times more to do if the move actually happens. And the farm. My dream location will become our vacation spot. It will be our “getaway” for a few years, rather than our “home base” and that brings a sense of loss. I know that I’ve accomplished what I came out to the woods to accomplish — I’ve found myself, established my place in the sun. I even stretch and soak up sunbeams from where my life is situated now — compared to the cold, unknown place where I lived before my farm “adventure” came to pass. But still, there is a grieving, and a very real sense of loss for me.
It seems odd to me that, while I work with real estate agents every day — that since Realtors and brokers are some of my top clients– that the thought of making my own move… well it brings that sickening lump of dread to my stomach. I look around at all my “simplification” and wonder where all this stuff will go. I wonder why I have it all. I wonder if I should keep any of it. I feel the overwhelming urge to purge myself of all this extra “stuff” — and that lasts approximately 20 minutes after I’ve pulled everything from all the closets and chests and shelves in any given room. Then I sit there, in a sea of “stuff” and gaze at the wonder of the volume of it… and become immobile.
There I stay for quite some time wondering when, exactly, I became so “in need” of belongings.
So, now you know why I’ve not written. Why I’ve been to scattered, mentally, to sort out my thoughts enough to blog. When I’m not working, I’m re-evaluating every single “thing” in my life — the physical things, anyway. And, when I’m working, I have to shut down the personal part of my brain, so I can provide the caliber of service my clients deserve — and so I can continue to make a living, build my business and move my career along.
Life is full of challenges… and stuff… these days. I hope to have some of them sorted and conquered, and the rest properly disposed, before I blog again… and I hope to blog again in a couple of days.