To say I’m pleased with the election results would be a lie.

I’m deeply concerned about this country, probably more so than I have ever been in any given election. I get the feeling that many people voted the way they did because they saw it as a way to shirk their responsibilities.

The thing that keeps coming to mind is the lady who, at the celebratory victory rally, said that she was glad she no longer had to worry about her mortgage or her car payment.

I’m assuming she intends to KEEP both of these items, she just doesn’t want to pay for them anymore. So, by default (isn’t that a great pun?!?) those of us who are responsible and DO pay our bills will get to pay hers as well? Maybe our children and grandchildren can kick in to support (with interest) the quality of life to which she has become accustomed, but no longer desires to afford?

It reminds me of the time when I was in a grocery line with my mother in Danville, Kentucky. The lady in front of us was wearing diamond rings and an “Aigner” coat (which was all the rage at that time), a matching purse and shoes.

These were things that we couldn’t justify (my mother has always been so practical — thank goodness!). When she tried to check out the dog food with her food stamps, she was told that it wasn’t permitted. Her response? She said her dog preferred hamburger anyway — and promptly left the line, went to the meat department, got a 10 pound roll of ground beef and returned to be checked out — while we all stood in awe, mouths agape.

I think that was a pivotal moment in my development. I was probably 12 or 13. It has colored my glasses about welfare programs and these glasses aren’t rosy. I feel that what we have here, is an even bigger version of the same mentality. Put simply, it makes me angry.

When are people going to be responsible and quit expecting the government to parent them?

Some of the propositions that passed also alarm me. I really don’t believe it’s the government’s job to dictate morality, define “family” and determine what is ok in our bedrooms. Apparently, that puts me squarely in the minority these days, too.

Most of my clients and friends are fiscally and politically conservative (with a few notable exceptions). One of my friends commented today, “Welcome to the USSA.” I have to wonder if he’s right.

On another note, the “Civilian National Security Force” scares the crap out of me. It simply does.

So, I’m sitting quietly here in my home office, wondering why I’ve spent my life paying my bills, meeting my obligations (even when people who supposedly share those obligations don’t do their part to help), trying to stay out of debt and avoiding “welfare” type programs — even during those really hard times in my life when I qualified.

I’ve always believed that freedom mattered more than security. I’ve believed in making your own way and cutting back when times were lean. I’ve always been capable of making the tough decisions. I’ve tried to pass this on to my children (whether or not I did this successfully is yet to be seen.)

I wonder “what’s the use?” when people who didn’t behave responsibly are getting bailouts. Like another one of my friends recently quipped, “Where’s my friggin’ financial bailout?!?”

*Not that I’d want one if it cost me my freedom or my privacy — or made me beholden to someone as a result, mind you*

We aren’t educating our children in our schools anymore, I worry that now all we have to educate them is our example… and if that’s the case, we are probably totally screwed.

I think I’m going to go try to find my old weather-beaten copy of 1984 for a quick re-read. I think it’s time.

I just watched a video which covered many of the things I’ve been contemplating lately. I’ve always been an identity protection freak. I have been guilty of making a scene in public when someone tried to demand my social security number (when I knew it wasn’t necessary) before offering me a service or looking up an account.

I’ve been a freak about other things too…

When the education system wasn’t up to snuff, I pulled my kids out and educated them myself. If a store didn’t provide me with the service I needed, I walked out and spent my money (even if it cost more) elsewhere.

All of these things did little to change the system, the situation or the environment.

Mostly they just changed me into a skeptic (usually a pissed-off one) and complicated my life. It seems that nearly everything I did served only to make life harder. Some were worth the added complication (like my children), but most were not worth the price they exacted from my time, my tranquility, and the quality of my life.

I’ve recently decided to quit trying to change the world.

I’ve quit trying to control my environment. Instead, I’ve decided to only avoid being controlled. That may sound like the same thing, but it’s not. Trying to control other individuals and situations is always futile and is usually rude. Refusing to let others control you is difficult but possible and it doesn’t have to be anti-social.

First, I have to determine “what is me?”

Is my personal information “me” or is that only a series of labels people/companies/entities put on me? Are my thoughts “me?” Is my video collection and taste in media an identifying marker of “me?” — and should I remove my information from Pandora? Is how I’m spending my time this second me? Is that information “private” or is it something to be shared on Twitter? Are the people who are my friends private — or do I add them to Facebook? Where I go and what I do… is that something my iPhone should be allowed to track? A couple years ago, I’d say no to all of the above. And, I would have said it loudly.

Is my journal me? Are my musings (like this one) private thoughts, or should I blog them? Am I communicating and being more open (the way I like my software and the way I’d like my government to be) or am I divulging my own personal details to a degree that I’m too visible? Will I regret the new level of transparency I’ve started to adopt?

I’ve spent much of my life jousting windmills in the name of freedom. I’m tired. Even more important, I’m not sure that what I thought I was gaining is achievable or even desirable. And isn’t this how societies change… with broad, sweeping apathy following exhaustion? I think we are there.

Exhausted — politically, philosophically, personally

I’m not interested in being militant for its own sake (that’s the game for a much younger person… been there, done that… and I was in the minority even then. Most of my generation (at least the ones I knew) were sheep in their youth. Quiet sheep. I’ve always been the odd one for fighting the wind, pushing life uphill and raging against the machine.

Balancing my love of autonomy and communication with my passion for technology and “connectedness” has always been a saga of personal oxymorons. Determining how much I do is promoting my own freedom (the freedom to not struggle and fight everything in life) vs. selling my freedom (by accepting things that once let loose into the wild cannot be recaptured) is taking up too much of my mental energy.

View the Video

And, although the video on the Next 5000 days of the Internet is interesting and follows many of the positives of the connected society, it also screams the downfalls (even if the presenter doesn’t seem to notice.) And, Mr. Kelly? The word you are looking for (the replacement for the words “the one”) is “Borg.”

That is all. Rambling rant over… and out.

Watched this amazing talk this morning, then tweeted it and sent it to a few people on my list. Great stuff. Worth the 19 minutes of your life required to watch it. Take the time.

Go here to watch it on TED.com.

In my book, a good Samaritan is a great addition to the world. I like to be around them. I strive to be one. Those situations hand me the “mankind isn’t all bad” drum that I need to beat on occasion to feel good about society… despite the horrors of war and poverty and selfishness and abuse found at every turn in our “modern life.”

With that said, I think I’ve changed my mind. It happened on Friday… (more…)

In 2007, I have learned to say “no.”

It took alot to get me to that point. 2007 was obnoxious, but it beat the ability to say “no” into me by the beginning of the last month. I can now say NO — and mean it.

No to things that stress me out unnecessarily. No to unreasonable goals. No to commitments I’d rather not have. No to busy-work. No to things that make my stomach churn. And… for the first time ever: No to New Year’s resolutions. (more…)

I tripped across a detailed, well-written and researched article by Naomi Wolf. It’s also an alarming article entitled Fascist America in 10 Easy Steps.

I can’t imagine the daily horrors visited on people facing foreclosure now. The numbers continue to climb and the economy plummets. I’ve been told I like to worry. Maybe that’s true, but I think the current situation is worry-worthy. (more…)

I’ve had some pretty unproductive days in recent weeks. It seems that I spend much of my time chasing my proverbial tail. I start to work on a project and find that I have to go do a couple other things to finish that project, and then one or two more things for each of those things — and so it goes. (more…)

When I was in high school and college, my mother would preach at me. Do this, don’t do that. Ladies do this, nere-do-wells do that. She was a typical southern mother, in my best estimation. She wanted what was best for me.

Once I was no longer available for her daily “consults” on my choices, behaviors and a myriad of other topics she felt I needed to consider, she would send me newspaper clippings in the mail. (more…)

Go figure, it’s more fun (and much easier) to come down the mountain than it is to climb up. Yesterday (Sunday), Pops and I took a couple hours to climb and explore a nearby trail. It was pretty pathetic going up…

Walk a hundred yards, huff and puff for five minutes… walk 50 yards, huff and puff… walk 200 yards then get winded and have to stop for five minutes. Needless to say, it took awhile to get up. We walked up the trail — a fairly comfortable incline, despite the “huff and puff” episodes — for just over an hour and a half. I took photos (of course) and added them to my Colorado Photo Blog. The sights were really nice going up… (more…)

Life has been so hectic lately, it’s hard to FIND the roses, much less stop for a little sniff. But, I think I’ve decided that life will only slow down when I force that to happen. I’ve also decided that it has very little to do with outside forces and events, and much to do with my own decisions and choices. So, I’m deciding to slow down a bit. Yeah, yeah, I know… I’ve said it before. Only time will prove my earnestness this time…

But this week, I got a new lease on life with my health — and a clean bill from my doctor following a year of less than glowing health. I’m in the middle of figuring out how to pay a whopping tax bill (because I buried myself in work as my health went south, but didn’t put money back for taxes — foolish, foolish…) and I watched my best friend make arrangements to bury her tiny great niece — who was not even three months old.

I continue to watch her sacrifice her life and her happiness and her mental well-being to take care of everyone else. She worries over things that don’t belong to her. She’s a saint, but her life is slipping through her fingers and she’s not even aware of it. And when I try to talk to her about it, she turns the tables. She says I have no room to talk — that I can’t learn to “just be” either — and that I’m always planning and doing and dragging others along. She says she agrees with me, and that she will stop being who she is, when I stop being who I am. I disagree… this is WHAT I am, not WHO I am. And it’s time for a change… (more…)

Challenges abound when you have an ex. Anyone who has one, or knows someone who has one, understands. I actually had a friend ask me yesterday if I killed someone brutally in a previous life to deserve my own ex nightmares. I had to laugh… ok, maybe it was more of a whine. But then it hit me… and I figured it out.

OK
OJ
oak
oik
KO
Edit…
Ignore all
Add to dictionary

Into every life, a little rain must fall. That’s a given. But, in my life, I have a great husband, healthy and happy children, a job that I adore, both parents (still married to each other) only a phone call away — and always available for me no matter what happens, true friends that are never “too busy,” no matter what’s going on in their own lives… basically, I have it made.

So my rain, my balancing and equilibrium to this much GOOD in my life… well, it had to be something, right?

This hit me yesterday when I was returning from a client appointment. I had two Indianapolis real estate agents (with a great new service business) come down and spend Saturday in a fairly intensive 10-hour consultation session. We made an incredible amount of progress, and as we left, they (a husband-wife team), were so sweet and thanked me for my time (especially on a Saturday) to meet with them. I don’t usually work on Saturdays, but this was enjoyable and I’m glad I met with them. It was a seriously productive day. And, I love days when I make good progress. I adore my clients — each and every one, and these two are particularly special.

I don’t work with people I don’t truly enjoy and admire. I don’t have any “jerks” in my professional world. I do what I enjoy most, with and for people I honestly like, and I get paid well to do the work. I’m not sure, but I think that may be the definition of heaven.

So, that gives me a new perspective on the ex situation. Yeah, maybe I don’t get why some people are so negative and act so ugly, why they must try to sabotage other people’s happiness in an attempt to achieve some of their own. When I’m not irritated to the point of anger, I honestly feel sorry for that personality type.

So, driving home last night, it hits me… I scraped and sacrificed and worked around the clock for years to get to this point. I thought on multiple occasions during the first three years in business that I’d never make a go of if. I wondered if I should give up and get a “real” job but, I never gave up.

This is my reward. Making my living by helping good people to do good work and build their businesses and find their own bliss… that’s a pretty dang wonderful calling. So yeah, into each life a little rain must fall. And, thankfully, my rain isn’t my job, my husband or my children (usually). My rain, when it falls, doesn’t even really matter… if I can just manage to keep the rest in perspective.

Indianapolis
Indianapolis’s
Interpol’s
Internalise
Internals
Edit…
Revert to “Indianpolis”

amount
am out
am-out
amour
amt
Edit…
Revert to “amout”

sabotage
sabotaged
sabotages
sabot
stage
Edit…
Revert to “sabatoge”

Today was one of those days when I was able to completely shock and disappoint myself with a totally judgmental attitude. I hate when that happens. It’s been awhile (thankfully), but I’m apparently still subject to such unexpected and, well, horribly judgemental views from time to time (unfortunately).

But, this provided a perfect opportunity for my belief in Karma to be reaffirmed…

I was fussing to my mother, who was irritated by my judgmental attitude (and rightly so)… it was one of those “I’m on a rant and I can’t shut up” moments that you can only have with your parents and REALLY close friends. (Because they have to love you anyway, even after the stupidity passes, you see.)

Anyway, mid-rant the UPS man arrived. He had the dollhouse I’d ordered from eBay for Alexzandria. It was a steal on eBay. Lovely woman packaged it up and sent it to me right after the auction ended. I was so excited for her — she’s wanted one for ages, and this was going to be a fantastic surprise.

But, apparently UPS was the great equalizer for my bad karma-making today… the box looked like it had been through a war zone. And, when I opened it up… it was broken in three places. (It’s not really repairable either.)

So, on the day I planned to devote to catching up on projects that are bearing down on me… I’ve been on the phone with UPS, trying to get this resolved. It’s blown a hole in my day. I was getting really upset until it hit me…

I deserved this.

Dang! Karma strikes again!

That will teach me to be all negative and judgemental, won’t it? I should have learned this lesson already. Sometimes I’m a really REALLY slow study. *sigh*

Alexandria
Alexandra
Alexandro
Alexandr
Alexandre
Edit…
Revert to “Alexzandria”

war zone
war-zone
Wezen
Warner
rezone
Edit…
Revert to “warzone”

Cold weather makes me take a moment to think about life. Life is good. This morning, when I got up (from a toasty-warm bed), it was cold in the cabin. Quite a chill hung in the air.

Then my husband got up and said “Want a fire? Are you cold?” and immediately began the wood-burning stove ritual to get a blazing fire roaring.

Life is good. I spent some time with my sister yesterday and she stayed the night. After I finished work, we went to the Amish food store and got an armload of nuts and dried fruits and fresh fall apples. Then, we went to my favorite cheese place — a family owned business in Casey County called Zimmerman’s Homestead Cheese. They make the BEST cheese in the world there. We buy several pounds from them every month. (There’s a reason I say my family is “cheesy,” I suppose.) When we started eating organic, cheese was the thing we missed most — then I found Zimmerman’s. (more…)

The first portion of a new year is a wonderful thing to me. It really is. I know you can “turn a new page” or “get a fresh start” at any point in your life, on any day, but there is something magical about a new YEAR — and I cling to the theme of rebirth and renewal and a fresh start…every year…After a relatively rocky end to the old year, this one is beginning to really shape up. And as I review things, I tripped across one of my favorite quotes, a Zen saying, “Leap and the net will appear” in my re-reading of The Artist’s Way — one of my fresh-start exercises.

My personality is such that planning has always been the key… I’m a little anal about planning and having things in order. So much so, that I’m beginning to wonder (in retrospect) if my penchant for planning was actually just an acceptable format for procrastination.

I now believe that if you know you are doing the right thing, no matter what your exterior forces are saying, you can leap safely. If you listen to your inner voice, it won’t lead you astray. But, you must have faith.

And I know that, as a creative being, that leaping is required. Until you are brave enough to do that, you aren’t really brave enough to handle success.

As I reevaluate my creative life, and my professional direction, I come back to this time and time again.

Leap, and the net will appear.

And to think, I used to think that before walking a tightrope across any abyss… I had to first judge the distance, grow the silk worms, weave the strands into thread, the threads into rope, the rope into a net and then torture myself with how to secure it underneath the tightrope.

Now, I know… You can’t protect yourself against failure as you pursue your bliss.

Leap and the net will appear!

And when walking that tightrope across the abyss… keep your eyes focused ahead and your feet taking baby steps. Feel free to admire a butterfly or the landscape, look up to regain your focus and let the sun warm your face… but don’t look at how far you have come while still on the rope. And never retreat.

Once on the other side, you can look at the rope and be proud of the accomplishment. Once there, you can determine if you want to look for another rope going in the same direction, or if you need to select one facing another way, or if your next step is to leap into the chasm with the confidence that you will, indeed, fly. Once there… the other life options open up and you have a chance to rest, briefly, with your feet firmly on the ground.

This is true for everyone. It is more obvious for entrepreneurs and especially for creative-types who select the entrepreneurial path.

So, be confident. Listen to your inner voice and leap already!

Picking up on my last blog… about the universe showing me what I need to see, when I need to see it…Last Friday, I decided to spend the day with my father. I want to spend more time with him outside of arguing about the building methods on the cabin and contradicting his ideas while inserting my own. It’s a hobby of mine, apparently. He participates. It’s a little game we play.

Anyway, I wanted some “Father-Daughter” time. And, we got it. But it wasn’t exactly as I had imagined it would be. It started out well – the evening before I arrived late and we stayed up way too late eating junk food (which neither one of us should be eating) and watching movies on DVD back-to-back. The next day we planned to let me get through my client appointments in the early a.m., then “play it by ear” for the afternoon.

(more…)

I guess it’s because the weather has started to turn chilly, it seems that on a regular schedule… I start re-evaluating my life, where I am, where I want to be, and how I need to approach getting there. I also think about the world, politics, privacy and how all aspects of my world tend to collide. The website is looking up. I’m pleased with the progress. I do have many farm entries still to make from the old archives (if I determine that I am, indeed, brave enough to bare my soul for all of those.) We shall see.

Lately I’ve been pondering things like personal privacy, like the government’s right to get into my life, the real impact of the Patriot act, the son of patriot, the actions of our government overseas, the fear in our citizens at home, the new push for cross referencing identities (like the fact that you can’t renew your driver’s license if your social security card doesn’t match it exactly and report the same address and other “essential” information) and the whole concept of who gets in your business.

(more…)

My first entry, after many MANY months of waiting to get the wicked blog online…This is the first entry in my website blog. I’ve wanted to “dabble” in blogging since I first learned about the concept. I maintained an online farm journal for over two years when I first moved to the woods. It was hosted on a freebie ad-driven GeoCities site. Come to think of it, that’s where I actually started with websites. That was my first attempt.

It tracked my (often pathetic) attempts to grow up (even at my age), become independent and build a life for myself and my children in the wilderness — all while making a living on the Internet. What an oxymoron that was! I’m still amazed that it actually worked.

I took the site down a couple years ago, and was amazed at the volume of text I’d logged. Sometime soon, I may find the time to actually go back and read it all. At the time, it filled a need for me — not just to write, but as “therapy” as I figured out who I was and what I wanted out of life. (more…)