Tag Archives: parenting

Professional Parenting Advice

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I went to a mother-daughter conference this weekend with my daughter. Silly me, I thought it would be time we spent together — rather than time we were mostly split up into “breakout” sessions. That didn’t go as I had hoped. But there were other things that didn’t “flow” for me either. For instance…

Professional Parenting Advice:

“Don’t talk with your kids about “responsible drinking” … what are you going to do next, give them condoms?”

My take on it:

Uhhhh… if you don’t talk with them about the facts of life, someone with different views than YOURS will. Take ANY opportunity to talk to your kids about responsible actions, regardless of the situation. And, personally, I don’t believe in giving kids condoms, but I’ve done it. That doesn’t mean I was leading cheers on the side lines encouraging them to go get laid. And that purchase was a real wrestling match with myself. It was a tough one.

I told them that I didn’t approve, but I didn’t want a lapse in judgment in their teen years to cost them their lives. Like I told my sons, “I can forgive you anything but taking my son from me. If you do something stupid, if you are careless or rash and you take YOU from me, I’ll never forgive you.”

Saying “this is bad and you are never to do it” sets up a wall between you and your child. You don’t have to put yourself in a no-win situation with your kids to make your feelings known. And, kids will screw up. It’s their job to do so — and hopefully to do so at an age that’s young enough to learn from their mistakes before the stakes get too high.

Not talking to kids about alcohol, drugs, sex and other “taboo” topics will not prevent them from exploring those options, it will just insure that they don’t tell you about it and ask you questions. Don’t be stupid. Always keep the lines of communication open with your kids. There will be times that you wonder WHY you encouraged them to talk to you about anything and everything. Just grit your teeth and be still. Be happy that they trust you enough to get your opinion and be honest, without being abrupt when you disagree. But always keep talking and listening.

But, hey, I’m not an parenting expert. I’m just a mom.

Professional Parenting Advice:

“That book should be banned from your local schools!”

My take on it:

Uhhhh… what could possibly be more attractive than a “taboo” book when you are in middle and high school? If memory serves, nothing! I still remember my first “racy” book — it was in middle school and it was called “The Other Side of Midnight” — it simply would fall open to all the “good” parts. That’s how much we passed it around. Heck, I’d never have considered reading some of the “classics” I read early on if they hadn’t been veiled in the mystique of the taboo. Of course I’ve never been quite able to wade through Lady Chatterley… but I still plan to do so! Eventually.

Instead of banning books, how about talking with your kids about the books they are reading? How about discussing the good and the bad in the latest novel in their backpack? How about discussing what’s “appropriate” and what is less than desirable and if the book, as a whole, was worth the time spent reading it? How about discussing generas and topics and what type of book they plan to read next? How about taking them to the library or the bookstore?

I find that that is a method that works QUITE well with my 10-year-old voracious reader. And she’s much more picky about what’s “appropriate” than I would be. She tells me that a certain word was used that was neither “nice” nor “necessary” to the story. And yes, we discuss if the language and situations are required or beneficial to the flow of the story. Isn’t that how you teach critical reading and… by the way… critical thinking?

Professional Parenting Advice:

“Make friends with your kids’ friends’ parents. That way when they say, ‘But everyone else is doing it!’ you can say, ‘these parents aren’t, we are all doing the same thing’.”

My take on it:

Or, just maybe, you could grow some… and be a parent. “No” is an excellent parenting tool, albeit quite under utilized these days. Who gives a hang what the other parents are doing? How can you fight “mob mentality” in your kids by doing the adult equivalent of the same thing?

Why not some independent thinking and some personal decisions and responsibility for all involved? Hey, it works!

There were some issues raised that I could get behind, but many times I found myself thinking that my Saturday of “Mother/Daughter” time would have been better spent curling up with one of those questionable books that Alex is currently reading aloud to me when we have time alone (Twilight by S. Meyer), sharing her passion for it and learning to properly pronounce some of those pesky four and five syllable tongue twisters that LOOK different than they sound. ;)

Photo by lisafanucchi of morguefile.com


I’m Feeling Politically Unpopular Today

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To say I’m pleased with the election results would be a lie.

I’m deeply concerned about this country, probably more so than I have ever been in any given election. I get the feeling that many people voted the way they did because they saw it as a way to shirk their responsibilities.

The thing that keeps coming to mind is the lady who, at the celebratory victory rally, said that she was glad she no longer had to worry about her mortgage or her car payment.

I’m assuming she intends to KEEP both of these items, she just doesn’t want to pay for them anymore. So, by default (isn’t that a great pun?!?) those of us who are responsible and DO pay our bills will get to pay hers as well? Maybe our children and grandchildren can kick in to support (with interest) the quality of life to which she has become accustomed, but no longer desires to afford?

It reminds me of the time when I was in a grocery line with my mother in Danville, Kentucky. The lady in front of us was wearing diamond rings and an “Aigner” coat (which was all the rage at that time), a matching purse and shoes.

These were things that we couldn’t justify (my mother has always been so practical — thank goodness!). When she tried to check out the dog food with her food stamps, she was told that it wasn’t permitted. Her response? She said her dog preferred hamburger anyway — and promptly left the line, went to the meat department, got a 10 pound roll of ground beef and returned to be checked out — while we all stood in awe, mouths agape.

I think that was a pivotal moment in my development. I was probably 12 or 13. It has colored my glasses about welfare programs and these glasses aren’t rosy. I feel that what we have here, is an even bigger version of the same mentality. Put simply, it makes me angry.

When are people going to be responsible and quit expecting the government to parent them?

Some of the propositions that passed also alarm me. I really don’t believe it’s the government’s job to dictate morality, define “family” and determine what is ok in our bedrooms. Apparently, that puts me squarely in the minority these days, too.

Most of my clients and friends are fiscally and politically conservative (with a few notable exceptions). One of my friends commented today, “Welcome to the USSA.” I have to wonder if he’s right.

On another note, the “Civilian National Security Force” scares the crap out of me. It simply does.

So, I’m sitting quietly here in my home office, wondering why I’ve spent my life paying my bills, meeting my obligations (even when people who supposedly share those obligations don’t do their part to help), trying to stay out of debt and avoiding “welfare” type programs — even during those really hard times in my life when I qualified.

I’ve always believed that freedom mattered more than security. I’ve believed in making your own way and cutting back when times were lean. I’ve always been capable of making the tough decisions. I’ve tried to pass this on to my children (whether or not I did this successfully is yet to be seen.)

I wonder “what’s the use?” when people who didn’t behave responsibly are getting bailouts. Like another one of my friends recently quipped, “Where’s my friggin’ financial bailout?!?”

*Not that I’d want one if it cost me my freedom or my privacy — or made me beholden to someone as a result, mind you*

We aren’t educating our children in our schools anymore, I worry that now all we have to educate them is our example… and if that’s the case, we are probably totally screwed.

I think I’m going to go try to find my old weather-beaten copy of 1984 for a quick re-read. I think it’s time.

Open Letter to Parents of Screaming Child

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screaming

I’d like to address this to the lovely woman (and her understandably quiet, seemingly embarrassed husband) who took little screaming Junior to Wild Oats in Lexington, Kentucky on Saturday.

Dear Mother -

No, I did NOT roll my eyes at your child. Had I rolled my eyes at anyone, it would have been at you. My sister tells me that I exude disgust without the need to roll my eyes and that I’m terribly transparent. She’s probably right. My apologies. Obviously, you misconstrued my total disgust with eye-rolling. I’m not sure how that happened.

However, having a child in a public place that screams at that decibel rate and in that particular key (I think it was a high c, although no glass actually shattered), is not ok. Perhaps you have been led to believe otherwise. I can understand that you may have been instructed incorrectly at some young impressionable age, but you are surely old enough to know better by now. If not, you may want to seek professional help.

To yell at me, “There’s no reason to roll your eyes, he’s just excited!” does not eliminate your responsibilities to others (many of whom WERE rolling their eyes, BTW) who must share the public space with your adorable child. Did it not occur to you that it was strange that you had to blurt that well-practiced line so quickly while Junior was taking a breath before screaming again? He nearly cut your mini-speech off with his tireless squeals.

At what point did it become ok for your child (or anyone else) to invade the sanctity of my personal space in such an offensive manner? The old adage about your freedom to swing your fists stopping at the edge of my nose also applies to my ears and your precocious child’s vocal cords.

I would understand if it was a sudden outburst and you scrambled to educate your child on how to be a better, more sensitive individual and a more pleasant member of society. Instead, you opted to condemn those of us who were surprised by your incredulous incapacity to even recognize a problem. Let me tell you a little secret…  just because your child wants to be the center of your attention and your world does not mean that he should automatically be thrust into the spotlight in ours. There, I said it. Believe it.

I realize it’s old fashioned of me. I realize that I’m not “cool” with the new trends toward lenient parenting. I’m an old fogy. That’s ok. I can live with that. I actually like that my own young daughter’s mouth physically dropped open in disbelief as your child expressed himself.

But if you had not been so quick to jump — if you had not had that comment a little too “at the ready” — perhaps you may have noticed the entire fresh produce section stop in their tracks and turn to stare when Junior demanded center stage. He truly is hard to ignore. Bravo for you!

If you want Junior to be the center of attention, you might try for a more subtle approach. Perhaps a talent or a skill. Maybe he will be an amazing adult… but somehow I think he may need a little more guidance than you are obviously willing (or able) to offer.

Do him a favor, do yourself a favor, do the rest of us a favor… discover a better way for him to claim his fame. And, if you can’t control his abuse of other people’s eardrums, leave him at home. In fact, why don’t you stay home with him and properly adore him at close range and in private?

Your husband appeared to be mannerly … maybe he could do the shopping.

note: photo courtesy of morguefile.com, artist: xenia.

“Red, White and Boom” in Lexington Kentucky

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The concert yesterday was a great way to spend July 4th. My daughter got to experience her first concert (she’s been clamoring for that) and she saw a line up of great country-rock artists. I think I was expecting pure country, so the rock covers threw me a bit, but it was a nice surprise.

The rain made life a bit interesting for awhile, but my daughter and I simply got soaked and continued watching the concert. When you have second-row seats in the VIP section, you don’t just jump ship when it rains a little…or even when it rains so hard and so fast that every square inch of you is soaked.

Alex smiles while Tracy Lawrence is on stageAll the artists were good, some were great. Tracy Lawrence was a laid-back performer who didn’t seem to take himself too seriously – even when some technical difficulties that caused unexpected loud “pops” in the audio equipment a few times during the show. Despite that, his crooning sounded as good in person as it did on disk. He appeared surprisingly early during the day, considering his level of fame, but Lexington was only the first concert stop for him in the state on that day — he had a second show in Ashland.

The newcomers were energeticAlex got soaked and attempted to eat soggy nachos. and entertaining. My daughter (who is 10) became immediately star-struck by Canadian, Adam Gregory. This little shaggy blond (with a five o’clock shadow from sometime a couple days ago) did give a great performance. He offered some original songs, including his own “Crazy Days” and pleased the crowd with his rendition of Vince Gill’s “Liza Jane.”

Sarah Johns was definitely a “Kentucky daughter” and spoke as if she were a Casey County native. Her songs were light and upbeat, and she seemed to enjoy performing and interacting (even to the point of playing matchmaker) with people in the audience.

Julianna Houghs offered a solid performance and enjoyed the last set before the rain drenched everyone in attendance.

Bucky Covington onstage in Lexington, Kentucky

When the clouds parted, Bucky Covington took the stage. My daughter (along with much of the crowd) adored this performer from the second they saw him. Not being a person who watches TV in general or American Idol in particular, I didn’t know him. So, when I say he (along with his band who included his twin brother, Rocky, on drums) offered the best performance of the day, it’s not because I’m predisposed to say so. I really enjoyed the sound, his obvious joy in the act of performing, and his interplay with the crowd.

This band did win the prize for the “cockiest” member… the base player. (I’m amazed there was room on stage for him, his ego, AND the rest of the band.) In spite of the bass player, I’ll be buying some of this band’s music just to see if it’s as good in the studio as it was live. Bucky and band demonstrated breadth with (surprisingly) some rock covers… like Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” — WHO expected that?!?!? And they did a beautiful job. I was truly impressed, all the way around.

I may have enjoyed Billy Currington if the sound check had not made the bass (and I LOVE bass) and the audio in general — painfully loud. It actually hurt to listen to his music. My daughter spent his set with her fingers in her ears… I joined her.

The sound issues seemed to be mostly resolved by the time John Michael Montgomery took stage … orJohn Michael Montgomery at Red, White, and Boom maybe we were just too deaf to notice. It was a treat to see this mega-artist so “up close and personal” and to listen to the old favorites. I did notice that the songs I loved most (I’m dating myself now) were not as crisp sounding as the newer sets. I don’t know if his voice has changed in the over-a-decade since their original release, or if he just doesn’t practice the old favorites (Life’s a Dance, Beer and Bones) anymore. By the time he got to “Letters from Home” the sound had improved. That one sounded great! I didn’t expect rock covers from this particular band (Caught in the Crossfire) so that threw me off a bit, but he was the consummate crowd pleaser.

The damp evening ended with a traditional fireworks display and we left a bit early to avoid getting caught in the en masse exit of the crowd. My little one thoroughly enjoyed the day (except for a few minutes during the downpour when she was skeptical about my claims that this was all a part of the adventure and that she should just give into it). I enjoyed it too. Great way to spend the holiday.