Open Letter to Parents of Screaming Child

screaming

I’d like to address this to the lovely woman (and her understandably quiet, seemingly embarrassed husband) who took little screaming Junior to Wild Oats in Lexington, Kentucky on Saturday.

Dear Mother -

No, I did NOT roll my eyes at your child. Had I rolled my eyes at anyone, it would have been at you. My sister tells me that I exude disgust without the need to roll my eyes and that I’m terribly transparent. She’s probably right. My apologies. Obviously, you misconstrued my total disgust with eye-rolling. I’m not sure how that happened.

However, having a child in a public place that screams at that decibel rate and in that particular key (I think it was a high c, although no glass actually shattered), is not ok. Perhaps you have been led to believe otherwise. I can understand that you may have been instructed incorrectly at some young impressionable age, but you are surely old enough to know better by now. If not, you may want to seek professional help.

To yell at me, “There’s no reason to roll your eyes, he’s just excited!” does not eliminate your responsibilities to others (many of whom WERE rolling their eyes, BTW) who must share the public space with your adorable child. Did it not occur to you that it was strange that you had to blurt that well-practiced line so quickly while Junior was taking a breath before screaming again? He nearly cut your mini-speech off with his tireless squeals.

At what point did it become ok for your child (or anyone else) to invade the sanctity of my personal space in such an offensive manner? The old adage about your freedom to swing your fists stopping at the edge of my nose also applies to my ears and your precocious child’s vocal cords.

I would understand if it was a sudden outburst and you scrambled to educate your child on how to be a better, more sensitive individual and a more pleasant member of society. Instead, you opted to condemn those of us who were surprised by your incredulous incapacity to even recognize a problem. Let me tell you a little secret…  just because your child wants to be the center of your attention and your world does not mean that he should automatically be thrust into the spotlight in ours. There, I said it. Believe it.

I realize it’s old fashioned of me. I realize that I’m not “cool” with the new trends toward lenient parenting. I’m an old fogy. That’s ok. I can live with that. I actually like that my own young daughter’s mouth physically dropped open in disbelief as your child expressed himself.

But if you had not been so quick to jump — if you had not had that comment a little too “at the ready” — perhaps you may have noticed the entire fresh produce section stop in their tracks and turn to stare when Junior demanded center stage. He truly is hard to ignore. Bravo for you!

If you want Junior to be the center of attention, you might try for a more subtle approach. Perhaps a talent or a skill. Maybe he will be an amazing adult… but somehow I think he may need a little more guidance than you are obviously willing (or able) to offer.

Do him a favor, do yourself a favor, do the rest of us a favor… discover a better way for him to claim his fame. And, if you can’t control his abuse of other people’s eardrums, leave him at home. In fact, why don’t you stay home with him and properly adore him at close range and in private?

Your husband appeared to be mannerly … maybe he could do the shopping.

note: photo courtesy of morguefile.com, artist: xenia.

Personal Freedom: Social Networking vs. The Borg

One of these represents the Borg, one the Internet, one is Picard, one is a BT telephone user. Hmmmm....

I just watched a video which covered many of the things I’ve been contemplating lately. I’ve always been an identity protection freak. I have been guilty of making a scene in public when someone tried to demand my social security number (when I knew it wasn’t necessary) before offering me a service or looking up an account.

I’ve been a freak about other things too…

When the education system wasn’t up to snuff, I pulled my kids out and educated them myself. If a store didn’t provide me with the service I needed, I walked out and spent my money (even if it cost more) elsewhere.

All of these things did little to change the system, the situation or the environment.

Mostly they just changed me into a skeptic (usually a pissed-off one) and complicated my life. It seems that nearly everything I did served only to make life harder. Some were worth the added complication (like my children), but most were not worth the price they exacted from my time, my tranquility, and the quality of my life.

I’ve recently decided to quit trying to change the world.

I’ve quit trying to control my environment. Instead, I’ve decided to only avoid being controlled. That may sound like the same thing, but it’s not. Trying to control other individuals and situations is always futile and is usually rude. Refusing to let others control you is difficult but possible and it doesn’t have to be anti-social.

First, I have to determine “what is me?”

Is my personal information “me” or is that only a series of labels people/companies/entities put on me? Are my thoughts “me?” Is my video collection and taste in media an identifying marker of “me?” — and should I remove my information from Pandora? Is how I’m spending my time this second me? Is that information “private” or is it something to be shared on Twitter? Are the people who are my friends private — or do I add them to Facebook? Where I go and what I do… is that something my iPhone should be allowed to track? A couple years ago, I’d say no to all of the above. And, I would have said it loudly.

Is my journal me? Are my musings (like this one) private thoughts, or should I blog them? Am I communicating and being more open (the way I like my software and the way I’d like my government to be) or am I divulging my own personal details to a degree that I’m too visible? Will I regret the new level of transparency I’ve started to adopt?

I’ve spent much of my life jousting windmills in the name of freedom. I’m tired. Even more important, I’m not sure that what I thought I was gaining is achievable or even desirable. And isn’t this how societies change… with broad, sweeping apathy following exhaustion? I think we are there.

Exhausted — politically, philosophically, personally

I’m not interested in being militant for its own sake (that’s the game for a much younger person… been there, done that… and I was in the minority even then. Most of my generation (at least the ones I knew) were sheep in their youth. Quiet sheep. I’ve always been the odd one for fighting the wind, pushing life uphill and raging against the machine.

Balancing my love of autonomy and communication with my passion for technology and “connectedness” has always been a saga of personal oxymorons. Determining how much I do is promoting my own freedom (the freedom to not struggle and fight everything in life) vs. selling my freedom (by accepting things that once let loose into the wild cannot be recaptured) is taking up too much of my mental energy.

View the Video

And, although the video on the Next 5000 days of the Internet is interesting and follows many of the positives of the connected society, it also screams the downfalls (even if the presenter doesn’t seem to notice.) And, Mr. Kelly? The word you are looking for (the replacement for the words “the one”) is “Borg.”

That is all. Rambling rant over… and out.

Allegory of the Hunting Dog

My father offered me the following story yesterday. I found it both shocking and worth sharing:

A man and his faithful hunting dog get lost in the woods. They travel for several days trying to find their way home, without success. They are getting really hungry and are in danger of starving. So, this hunter lops the tail off his best friend and roasts it over a campfire, eating one part and throwing the other part to the dog.

The dog eats the tail, and then enthusiastically licks the face of the hunter.

He told me that is how our government works. He said that the dog is the people, the hunter is our government. ‘Nuff said.