I have seen the future (today, on YouTube) and the future is now! Go and watch the CBS news segment on the medical clinical trials for regenerating human tissue, organs and even limbs!

It’s really cool, but rather scary. If we can do this, then how long before we reduce/eliminate mortality? Speaking as a middle aged person (Gosh, that’s hard to say!), who is in no hurry to grow old and die, I’m not sure that eliminating mortality and morbidity is a good thing. I believe that mortality and the knowledge that life is short is what makes us human — what makes us either noble or despicable as individuals.

Removing that may well remove other aspects of our being that we don’t even know are in peril. I don’t know where I fall on this issue (not that my opinion could possibly alter the direction this technology is taking), but I do know it will give me something to contemplate for quite some time.

The last month has been a time of stretching and growing for me. (Or maybe it’s been a time of feeling incredibly old and I’m just looking for a silver lining.) My youngest son graduated high school and moved to begin his new life in the city, with college and new friends and pursuits. My eldest left his teen years and became a man of 20. My daughter, the baby, is 10 and is stretching for independence. I’m not quite an “empty-nester” but I am experiencing some of that feeling of simultaneous emptiness and freedom.

It’s an interesting time as I look over my life that’s been filled with running a business and raising children over the past couple of decades and I wonder, “What do I do for the NEXT 20 years?” I must admit the options are staggering and I’m spending much of my mental energy exploring them. I’ve determined that quality of life for me means time to call my own, even if that means less money. Thankfully, this is hitting at a time when my expenses are naturally (and intentionally) diminished. I’m whittling away at the last remnants of debt.

Balance is becoming quite real for me after all these years of preaching and I’m applying the 80/20 rule to my business and my life. It makes each action more planned and requires less auto-pilot and more concentration. The benefit? My life is starting to de-stress, my business is becoming more focused and I’m starting to feel a little more in control.

It’s bizarre at this point in my life to realize I can do anything I want to do … as soon as I figure out what that is. Too many options are overwhelming and even having a few of them nailed down doesn’t prevent twinges of scary (and exhilaratingly) stuff from coursing through my veins.

So even at more than twice their age, I’m in step with both of my sons. As they decide what’s next for them — I’m figuring out what’s next for me!

My baby boy turns 17 today. Gee that makes me sound old, and even more scary… it makes him old. All the big celebrating is over — he already has his blog site (which was granted early so he could begin expressing himself). It still needs a few tweaks, but it’s usable now and I hope to complete the remaining items this week. (more…)

My hubby had an appointment today to get his eyes checked. He told me about it when he finished. Apparently, he had “dark spots” that concerned the doctor. He was concerned about “colon polyps” as a result. Now, I’m not sure how someone can look in your eyes and tell you things about your insides… but I digress.

After a more thorough exam, he determined that is was just dark spots “like freckles” in his eyes — without any health issues attached.

We talked about the fact that he now has to hold his books out to “here” to be able to read and that he doesn’t want bifocals — it’s a vanity thing. He does, however plan to get a pair of reading glasses. I giggled. He scowled. I told him that I had a pair that I use when I’m working long hours — when the monitor starts to get blurry when my eyes get too tired. He scowled again.

So, I simply couldn’t resist the opportunity to poke a bit of fun at my poor hubby…

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This WAS the year that was supposed to be less stressful, right? This was gonna be THE year for me… wasn’t it? So how come we are already past the one week mark and I’m still playing catch-up?

So far, almost everything that could go wrong HAS gone wrong. My Tablet started acting up, so I spent last weekend (and much after-hours time yesterday) getting it back from a ground-floor regen in preparation for my upcoming trip. My Hubby’s birthday was nearly ruined when I left the grocery store with only half of the bags I purchased… leaving the jumbo shrimp splurge for his dinner in the self-checkout lane. (Note to self: when stressed out, let someone else ring up my groceries, so I’m sure I get my goods in my basket after paying for them.)

My sister called, over the weekend inquiring about all the details of the trip. There are some times in my life when I think I am a planner. All my friends laugh at my “every detail planning” methods. But, I’m trying to reform. I’m trying to plan less and live more. My sister… she’s a planner’s planner. She wondered if I’d done the MapQuest on how to get to the hotel and if I knew the best restaurants around that area and would I like her to do that for me.

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Today, as I logged onto my computer (something I’m trying to curtail during the holidays as much as possible — although unsuccessfully), I saw the NPR top news stories on my Google home page. President Gerald Ford died.

On Christmas day, when visiting my hubby’s family, my father-in-law told me that James Brown had died.

Now, these may not seem related on any typical level, but it’s one of those times when I realize that my past is crumbling. It’s literally disintegrating from age. The icons I grew up with are no more. (more…)

I was talking with a peer last week. She announced that she was going to be a grandmother this week. The c-section is scheduled due to some fairly serious complications. My prayers are with her and her daughter, and I’ve been thinking about it alot over the weekend.

First, I was shocked. After all, she’s MY age! And my eldest son (now 18) scared the crap outta me right before he joined the Army by getting “Ohhhh–Ahhh” face every time he saw an infant. He even eyed pregnant women with a new vision. It was terrifying.

He also said things like “Awwww, isn’t that sweet? I want one of those.” and similar undeniable signs that he’s all grown up and in the throes of baby fever. I shared this with my peer and she confessed that her own daughter was doing the same thing about a year ago — thus confirming my fears.

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This week my eldest son left for the Army. And, it’s one of those things that makes you realize how quickly the time really does go.

I preach about quality of life, about slowing down, about smelling the roses. But,  apparently, I seldom do it.

After all, that young man that’s taller than I am now, was, just a few short months ago, the little baby that liked to sleep on my belly — for every nap. He’s the little guy that I’d nurse while I typed on my undergraduate thesis. He’s the one I taught to read at four, to ride a bike, to stand up straight and tall, even when life dealt some serious blows.

This is my baby… my first child.

As I think about it, I bawl. There seems to be so much more that I should have taught him. There’s so much he still doesn’t know. How could I have failed him like this?

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I spent the night away from home recently and actually watched “normal” television. (I must say, I couldn’t get back to a “no cable” household quickly enough to suit me.) However… while I was there, I noticed something that I found simply shocking… something that may have “snuck up” on those who watch TV all the time…

I’d noticed (and I think even blogged) about the fact that so many commercials lately seem to be for medications. A few months ago when I was watching TV elsewhere, I was just floored by the number of commercials that were advertising drugs…in a non-specific way. I mean, you see people in fields of flowers with butterflies and happy families and the announcer says something like “Ask your doctor if DRUG X might be right for you!” Now, it never says what the ailment is, never says much other than giving you the visual impression that life will be much sweeter if you are on this particular chemical. It sounds just like heaven… up until the last seconds when a fast-talking, lower voiced announcer whispers about all the reactions, adversities and horrors you may encounter if you take said miracle drug.

To me, that whole concept is mortifying. Simply horrid!

But this visit… it got worse. (more…)

Go figure, it’s more fun (and much easier) to come down the mountain than it is to climb up. Yesterday (Sunday), Pops and I took a couple hours to climb and explore a nearby trail. It was pretty pathetic going up…

Walk a hundred yards, huff and puff for five minutes… walk 50 yards, huff and puff… walk 200 yards then get winded and have to stop for five minutes. Needless to say, it took awhile to get up. We walked up the trail — a fairly comfortable incline, despite the “huff and puff” episodes — for just over an hour and a half. I took photos (of course) and added them to my Colorado Photo Blog. The sights were really nice going up… (more…)

The retreat is going well, although the last three days have been spent working, even though I’d planned only to work Tuesdays and Thursdays through this month, while on retreat. I need to spend the majority of my time writing, researching and coming to some conclusions.

But, when a client has a crisis — what’s a good girl to do?

So now, after stomping the multiple client fires, I’m ready to settle in. And, in between work hours today, I chatted with Pops a bit. About my future, the direction of my career and the fact that I don’t really know if I’m more afraid of success or failure if I pursue a fiction writing path.

The fact is, I’m had alot of pretty lofty goals in my life. And, I’ve reached almost all of them thusfar… (more…)

After my harassment last year, when Wayne turned 40, I deserve a hellish birthday. I’ve earned it. You know, one of the highest hitting keyword phrases on my blog for awhile was “Mean things to say to people turning 40.”

That cracked me up. Hubby was not amused. LOL.

Well, now it’s my turn to get older, to pass into that next decade. And I can say that turning 40 isn’t the drama I’d expected. I do hope that my 40’s are spent a little less hell-bent on proving myself to me. I think that job is mostly done. It won’t be spent proving myself to others — I’m too old for that foolishness and time is too valuable.

I do have difficulty with finding the right direction sometimes… and this last week has been really hard on me in that area — especially after all the dust settled from the previous three weeks of personal/family trials and tribulations.

But things have settled down… and I think I’m starting to get a grip on what’s next. My sister says I have a genetic disposition toward having “issues” with the new year. I can laugh when she says this because she has them too. She says I set my barre too high and that I’ll never be satisfied with what I have accomplished. She tells me to look back at what I have done and compare my now to my personal best instead of my ideal.

My friends (both professional and personal) tell me the same thing. They understand my frustrations — apparently there is an epidemic of them this new year — but they say I need to relax. (more…)

My beloved husband turned 40 yesterday. Poor thing, there is surely no hell like living with me and having a landmark birthday.

I’ve given him no peace since the day he turned 39. I’ve built quite a repertoire of age-related snips and facts… I have a right, of course, since… for exactly four days… he’s a full two years older than me.

For the last 19 years — since our college days, when we were just friends and when that age difference loomed much larger than it does these days… I’ve given him crap about his age. It’s just one of our “things”… ok, it’s one of MY things. He merely endures it.

Little factoids like…

You know, you aren’t really 39… you are finishing up your 39th year and beginning your 40th because we don’t celebrate birthdays until after you have lived through that year. When you are one, it means you have survived your first year…

And…

You know, you are really 9 months or so INTO your 40th year (this was at his 39th birthday) because you were conceived and we didn’t “start the clock” until after you had been around for nine months and were actually born… so you are really MUCH older than you think.

My sister-in-law offered the biggest stinger for his actual 40th birthday…

“Tomorrow, and every day thereafter, you will be closer to 50 than you are to 30.” (that one even left me dumbfounded — and I thought I was immune!)

There was the usual smattering of “gray hair” comments, cracks about his lack of memory (which is either something of serious concern, or something that is incredibly convenient), and I “helped” him walk to the table in the restaurant saying things like “careful there, old timer” and “Oh, my, you need to watch that step, ya don’t want to break a hip.”

I assume it is wise to chronicle this to remind myself of it later… because I’ve got a heck of a payback coming in my near future and I need to start toughening my skin now. My father has offered to support with time, money and energy anything Wayne wants to do when my 40th arrives.

I’d be more worried, but with Pop’s memory and Wayne’s memory combined (and therefore doubled) I’m probably still in no danger that they will even remember.

*cackle*

But, just in case… I’m going to have to squash the age jokes, quips and cracks… and be a good…. and… ahem… MUCH YOUNGER… wife.

:O)

Picking up on my last blog… about the universe showing me what I need to see, when I need to see it…Last Friday, I decided to spend the day with my father. I want to spend more time with him outside of arguing about the building methods on the cabin and contradicting his ideas while inserting my own. It’s a hobby of mine, apparently. He participates. It’s a little game we play.

Anyway, I wanted some “Father-Daughter” time. And, we got it. But it wasn’t exactly as I had imagined it would be. It started out well – the evening before I arrived late and we stayed up way too late eating junk food (which neither one of us should be eating) and watching movies on DVD back-to-back. The next day we planned to let me get through my client appointments in the early a.m., then “play it by ear” for the afternoon.

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Wayne’s first cousin died this weekend. She died without warning or fanfare. Her lungs were attacked by a blood clot and the doctor’s attempts to save her last week failed. She wasn’t a smoker, she wasn’t on any medications that predisposed her to this… and she was only 39. It’s a somber time for the entire family. It’s hard on Wayne because they were close. After all, Jennifer was the reason for that scar he carries on his forehead. I remember asking him about that when we were dating and tracing that light line with my forefinger.

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Today is my father’s birthday (Happy Birthday, Pops!) and I was doing a bit of reflecting on that this a.m., and naturally a bit of reflecting on my own life as his adult daughter, while sorting my e-mail first thing this a.m.

You know, just when you start feeling really good about yourself… someone comes along to point out the stuff you don’t have under control (like a waistline, weight, physical appearance). All that’s bearable so long as the person is younger, on television or anonymous. But, when that person is your high school biology teacher….

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I attended my 20 year high school reunion this weekend. Even TYPING that makes me feel old. At the last minute, I almost didn’t attend. Life has been so overflowing with activities that it started to feel like just another obligation on a weekend when I could have rested up. But, I’m glad I attended. There were people there I’d not seen since the last day of school. Many looked essentially the same, a few years older, a few more pounds, and a bit less hair maybe – but essentially the same.

Others were amazingly improved – more glamorous, more “together,” more magnetic personalities than they had ever posessed in the teen years, and some had changed very little physically (which makes me feel even older, fatter and more gray) and some seem to have changed very little emotionally (which I find a bit depressing). Most folks had grown up, mellowed out and were charming conversationalists. Overall, there are several folks that I hope to get to know better as adults. Many I won’t see again until the 30 year, or later, I know this. But, I’m pleased that I attended and talking with some of the folks was really nice. (more…)