Today is my father’s birthday (Happy Birthday, Pops!) and I was doing a bit of reflecting on that this a.m., and naturally a bit of reflecting on my own life as his adult daughter, while sorting my e-mail first thing this a.m.
You know, just when you start feeling really good about yourself… someone comes along to point out the stuff you don’t have under control (like a waistline, weight, physical appearance). All that’s bearable so long as the person is younger, on television or anonymous. But, when that person is your high school biology teacher….
Don Peden was the “cute” teacher back, some…ahem… 23 years ago, when I was a sophomore and took his intro to Biology class. All the girls just thought he was “all that” – and they were right. But I never really did the crush thing on adults when I was that age, so I took it all with a grain a salt.
Then, in the dead of the night last evening, a “supposed” friend sent me a link to this old teacher’s website. Now, to understand the full impact of this, you must understand that I just attended that dang 20th High School reunion – and as a result I’m feeling a bit older, a bit fatter, and a bit more gray than I would have preferred. However, life has been pretty good to me. My family is great, my husband and kids are amazing, my business is growing by leaps and bounds, and our farm is simply beautiful – and the cabin is nearly complete! So, life is good. I just need to lose a few pounds. No biggie.
Then I go to visit this site. I get lured into it by this “friend” – “perhaps you could help him with his bio” – she says, appealing to my marketing side. I will check out his keywords, I think, look over his layout, poke around some. Uh huh. Well, I did just that– NOT.
I went straight to the slideshow she mentioned that I might want to view – and still have not looked at those darn keywords. Go on, check him out — my old teacher — uh huh. Yup.
www.DonPeden.com. (Update: The muscle-man model website is no longer online, unfortunately)
Once my lower jaw was firmly back around the vicinity of my face, I became suddenly depressed. Now, it took viewing the slideshow two, three – maybe a dozen times before the depression hit me – but it did come. And as I sat there, explaining it to my husband, he becomes dismissive. Thinks I have the hots for an old teacher. Now, I do not deny that a few errant thoughts crept in… but the big issue is that I get up and look at myself in a full length mirror now and I want to cry.
I am thirty… Um… Something – and I look like this. Whereas he is – well, at least in the mid 50s and he looks like THAT.
Something is wrong with my world. My husband is working on the cabin all the time and is getting all buff and muscle-y, old teachers look like THAT, even my own father is trimming down and saying “no thanks” to seconds of food that I gobble down greedily. Everyone around me is looking great and I am… well… jolly.
I think I need to go jog or something. I hope I don’t fall and break a hip.